Archive for the ‘Figures’ Category

St. Patrick’s Day is Coming

mermaid

Just ask the makers of the film Leprechaun. Not every movie needs a series of action figures and dolls.

There Are Angels in the Sky… Doin’ It

Oh, boy. Let’s just get this out there. This is a pregnant African-American Angel with an abnormally small face-to-head ratio, a sparkly trim robe, and she’s holding a rose. That doesn’t sound so strange, now does it?

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At first I thought she was just a little bloated, but a side view confirms she’s baby smuggling. No worries, it looks like that baby is ready to come out soon. I don’t understand that strange bulge near her feet, but I’ll take that over a visible popped belly button any day.

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Aesthetics aside, I think it’s kind of weird to give someone a statue of anything pregnant. Unless you’re Michelle Duggar, it’s a temporary state (and one most women probably don’t care to remember). And then there’s the angel factor. I thought angels didn’t have genitalia, let alone reproductive organs.

But I digress. This item is in surprisingly good condition for being at TJ Maxx. If you need a moderately creepy pregnant angel to watch over your other knicknacks, I think this one would be just fine.

Found by: Caroline
Found at: Tha Maxx, Kansas City

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I don’t understand that strange bulge near her feet, but I’ll take that over a visible popped belly button any day.

Get Your Own ScareKid

I’m a big fan of Halloween and I’m really glad that it’s almost here. I love dressing up in a ridiculous costume that I secretly want to wear everyday. I love candy. Most importantly, I love the selection of Halloween decorations/low-tech security alarms available at TJ Maxx. 

OMFG_jackolantern

Do you have pesky Trick-or-Treaters ringing your doorbell all night long on Halloween? Afraid to turn off your porch light and deny candy? TJ Maxx offers this delightful scarecrow from the John Wayne Gacy collection that ensures children will not come anywhere near your home. While most Halloween decorations are a cute kind of scary, this beast will strike fear into the hearts of the most sugar deprived children. Half creepy clown and half pumpkin-witch, pairing this ScareKid with a sign that reads “I make my own treats” guarantees you a peaceful Halloween night where you can eat all the leftover candy you want without worrying about kids egging your house.

Found by: Internet Gnomes (Flickr)
Found At: Unknown

Bookends of Serial Killers

Oh, bookends. They’re great. Books say “I like to read” and these bookends say “I like to kill people.” If I were a director for a movie about a secret serial killer, I’d use this as a foreshadowing piece.

headless

And if you were wondering what happened to the heads and hands of those torsos, just walk down the aisle. In my movie, this tender moment of seduction is shown with romantic music,  just as the killer pulls out a steel garrotte.

creepy_handless

And at the end of my movie, the killer removes his faceade and his true identity as a Mime Construction Site Scarecrow is revealed…

creepy_wood_figure

This character would be played by Gary Busey. It’s just an idea, but I think I should develop this screenplay. I’ll film it in revolutionary form of animation using only found objects from TJ Maxx. Cross your fingers!

Found by: Internet Gnomes (Flickr)
Found At: Unknown